We have less than a week until our first prenatal appointment. Tuesday can not come quickly enough. I’m dying to find out what’s going on inside of my body, and I’m also terrified to find out. Everyday…all day…these reoccurring thoughts just go round and round in my head. I’ll have to say that I’ve had many positive days since my last post. However, I still hit lows where I cry and worry. I’m so anxious to just know. In the meantime, I’m sticking to what I can do, and I put lots of faith in that. And I pray that it’ll all work out. I’ve still been reading some websites and forums which has actually been nice, but I’m staying far away from anything labeled miscarriage. I’m actually already showing. From what I can tell from other women’s postings, the small framed women report showing quicker. Right now I look either just fat or way more than 7 weeks, 2 days. I don’t care…I embrace a belly.

We’ve already collected quite a bit of baby items. Having all this baby stuff really drives home the fact that there is in fact a child growing inside of me right now. So far we’ve collected:

• Eddie Bauer stroller w/infant seat snap in – NEW
• Eddie Bauer play pen w/bassinet – NEW
• umbrella stroller
• used stroller
• crib
• highchair
• car seat/booster seat
• crib mattress
• bedding
• books
• toys
• onesies
• diapers
• a Halloween costume
• rocking horse

It’s a random collection, but it’s all very welcome. I really don’t want have to spend a ton of money on things that will only be used for a short time. Some of these things we traded our old iPhones for and some was graciously given to me from an old coworker. It’s all greatly appreciated. My mom said she was going to leave a box of stuff from my childhood as well as my younger siblings’ childhood at my grandparent’s house. I probably won’t be seeing that until Christmas, but I’m excited to get my hands on some stuff that has meaning to me. Some of the things I may end up leaving at Bryan’s grandmother’s house. It would be nice to have a crib and highchair over there. I certainly don’t want to have to pack up the entire house every time we visit.

So far I haven’t really had any morning sickness. I’ve felt queasy now and then, but I haven’t had the urge to throw-up. I find that if I let me stomach get too empty, it goes haywire. Now it matches the rest of my body. My sleeping is all messed up to. It’s a little cruel that the hormone that makes you sleepy during the day can keep you up at night. I’m finding this to be too true lately. There’s little that I can do about it though. I’m not complaining…just stating the facts. I don’t care what pregnancy throws at me as long as I get to hold my baby at the end of it.

On another note, though not a happy one, we are desperately trying to find our cat, OC, a new home. He has been aggressive toward our other cat, Bella, for some time now. It’s gotten to the point where Bella can no longer live her life without constant fear of his aggression. She often stays outside without eating or drinking. And when she is inside, she stays planted on her cushion of the couch. I hate seeing her living in fear. I also hate to give up one of our family members, but we’ve trying everything within reason. If anyone reading this would like to give OC a new home or knows of someone that would, please let us know. He only shows aggression toward Bella. He has never been aggressive toward the other 2 cats. I think he’d do just fine around other cats, dogs, and children though he’s never been exposed to toddlers and under. He’d be an amazing companion for an elderly person or someone who is home a lot. He loves attention. He greets all of our visitors and is ready to purr at the slightest pet. He even purrs at the vet’s office! He’s so sweet and easy going. He makes a great cuddle buddy. He really is a fantastic cat, and he’s fixed and litter box trained. What more could you ask for? Please help us find him a good home. We need to get our house back to a calm state ASAP.

Lastly for the moment, my match with Nathaniel my little brother in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program has reached it’s year anniversary (tomorrow). I have decided that with the baby and our business, I don’t think I can give the relationship the time and attention that it deserves. I won’t be continuing the match. I’m sad, but I really do feel this is the best thing for me. I have a lot on my plate right now. However, because Nathaniel is 12 and we stayed together for a year, he’ll be receiving a scholarship to college. I’m really happy to have given him this opportunity. I hope to maybe be a big again in the future, but for now I need to focus on my own family. I hope that he understands. I’m saddened by this, but again…it’s for the best.

What’s it like to be pregnant? Ah, how many times have I wondered this and longed to know. Well, the longing part is over. On our second month of trying, we finally did it. I’m pregnant! This should be of no surprise to anyone. We didn’t exactly keep it a secret…at all. I couldn’t help it. I was so excited to have my dream become a reality that I couldn’t keep it in. I have a lot more that I am keeping in right now regarding being pregnant, but I think my blog would be a good place for me to get it out there. I need the therapy.

So, what’s it like to be pregnant? Well, for about 3 days it was exhilarating. And then after some spotting and cramps, it all turned scary…quick! Being pregnant is exactly how I’ve heard and read it would be. I can’t stop peeing, can’t stay awake, my boobs hurt, etc. But no one ever told me that all of that was the easy part. The hard part is not knowing…anything! Though the spotting was almost nothing it was enough to make me call my doctor’s office. They had me come in to get my progesterone level checked. It was lower than the doctor would like to see at my stage of pregnancy so they prescribed me a pill to boost my progesterone and put me on pelvic rest (nothing strenuous). All of this has just terrified me. What if I lose this baby? It’s hard to think about, and the thought can easily bring me to tears, but it is a real possibility. And since the scare, many, many women have shared their miscarriage stories with me. In some ways this was nice because they all had children, but on the other hand so many women had had a miscarriage which meant the odds are high.

Every waking moment I think about this baby. Is it still there? Is is growing normally? What will the doctor say to us when we finally get to see him on Sept. 7? Will the baby be fine? Will it be just an ovum blight? What is going on in there? I can’t let myself be too excited about becoming a mother because I’m too terrified that it’s not going to happen with this pregnancy. I’ve always been the kind of person to focus on the most negative outcome. It’s probably a coping mechanism that I developed from my childhood. Everyone was always letting me down so I learned to expect the worse. If it goes the way you expect you’ll be somewhat prepared, and if things turn out way better, then you’ll be pleasantly surprised. It’s not the best way, but it’s my way.

In CrossFit the unknown is what we’re training for. And life is definitely full of the unknown. I have to accept the fact that right now, I’m in the dark about whatever is going on inside my body which is difficult for me. In case there is some random reader who doesn’t know me personally, I like being in control. And right now, I have no control over what happens to this baby. Ok, I have some powers, and I take solace in these small things I can control. Things I can control:

• my diet: as of now I have no morning sickness to speak of though it may set in this week according to what I’ve read. I take great pride in knowing that I’ve been feeding the baby only the best in the way of nutrition. Everything is organic. All the meats are natural. I won’t sway on these things. It’s tough especially now because we are traveling this week. But every time I eat a meal that is organic and paleo, I feel like I’m doing something good, and that helps me feel a little better about not being in control. Of course this unwillingness to bend on my rules can be somewhat frustrating for my hubby.
• my sleep: as of now, I want to sleep…a lot…sometimes most of the day and all night. Some days are better than others, but when I feel a zzzz’s coming on, I don’t try to fight them. I let me body have what it craves. I try to sleep as much as I can with no guilt. This isn’t easy, as I can definitely tell that a lot more falls on Bryan’s shoulders because of this.
• my progesterone pills: I have to take one pill twice a day. Progesterone is huge in pregnancy. It helps make the lining of my uterus able to support the baby. I’ve set my cell alarm to go off every 12 hours. I’m consistent and never miss. Hopefully, this is giving my body the extra help it needs to make a great home for the baby.
• pelvic rest: the doctor didn’t specify how long to stay on pelvic rest, but while on it I’m not supposed to do anything strenuous which means, sadly, that CrossFit is a no-no. I haven’t worked out in over 2 weeks, and that really blows. But this won’t be forever, and I’m hoping to get the clear to go back to at least light exercising after our first doctor’s appointment. I’m not even supposed to lift things over 15 pounds! This is so not my lifestyle. However, taking it easy makes me feel like I’m in control. It’s silly, but it helps. And right now, I’m all for anything that helps my positive outlook and keeps the emotional breakdowns at bay.
• chemicals: even before finding out that I was pregnant, I was looking into trying to stop using so many chemicals on my body. I tried to go shampoo-less, but after 4 weeks, I broke down and washed my hair. Now I wash it about once a week. It’s not a complete removal, but the usage is less. I want to buy some more natural shampoo too to further this. I have stopped using deodorant for now. If I go back to exercising, I may have to wear some. Basically, I’m trying to keep unnecessary things off my body. I like to think the body can do it’s on thing, and regardless of being pregnant, I’d like to experiment with this.

The internet with all the websites and forums has been an amazing source for me to find out more about the changes that are taking place as well as things I should do and things that I should avoid like raw meat. I even got an app on my phone that allows me to track the progress of the baby. However, the Internet especially the forums have been a little bittersweet. It’s awesome to see that other women are terrified. I like knowing that nothing that I’m feeling or even experiencing hasn’t been experienced before. But reading some of the stories makes me even more on edge. So I’ve stopped looking for the time being.

One more thing being newly pregnant has made me is…jealous. I’ve always been a little jealous of anyone with kids because I’ve always wanted them so badly, but now I’m jealous of anyone who’s more pregnant than me. Why? Because there pregnancy is more established and less likely for miscarriage. I’ll probably be able to relax a little once we hit week 13 (most miscarriages happen in the first 12 weeks). I’m 6 weeks, 2 days today…about halfway there.

I hope that our doctor’s appointment gives me the confidence boost I so desperately need right now. I’m going crazy inside of my own head with up and down moments, and the hormones aren’t helping. I’ll keep you posted on what we learn at the doctors, but for now, I’ll just keep writing about how I feel. I hope I can do this everyday or at least every few days.

I think about this blog daily. And I think it would be good for me to write in it daily. I think of what I want to say, but I also think I gotta upload those pictures first so the post will be complete. Well, I never get around to that, and the next thing I know months have gone by. So, to update all 3 of my readers so that no one is lagging behind, here’s what I’ve been doing since I last wrote:

• I got married! I married the love of my life under a tree in the yard of the house where I grew up. It was a stressful day, but it turned out to be an amazing day. It turned out better than I’d ever dreamed of. Surrounded by our family and friends, we said “I do” and started our new lives together. I love him so much, and I love being married to my best friend and my rock!

Wedding pictures – I haven’t uploaded the professional shots yet (I’m lazy!)

• We went on our honeymoon to NYC. We drove there and back. We saw and did so many amazing things! I can’t even pick a favorite. We ate to our hearts’ content, and lived it up as much as we could. We visited Chattanooga, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and NYC. And the best part was coming home to my 4 cats who weren’t mad at me!

Honeymoon Album 1
Honeymoon Album 2
Honeymoon Album 3
NYC Reception

• I received my Level 1 Certification in CrossFit. It was so awesome! I’ve been interning at CrossFit Cedar Park in hopes of having my own class someday. I will hopefully be teaching a preschool aged class CrossFit soon. I love it! I love watching people transform and change their lives. It’s empowering watching someone get stronger and knock down barriers!
• We’re pregnant! It only took us 2 months of trying. I have to admit, I was terrified we wouldn’t be able to do it or that it would take forever. We’ve had a little scare since learning that I’m pregnant. And we still don’t know much and won’t till we see the doctor on Sept. 7. It’s a roller coaster ride to say the least. Emotions are all over the place in our house…mine especially. I never knew being pregnant could be so nerve racking. I don’t want to go into a lot of detail, but I will say as of today, things seem to be ok. I will definitely be writing more on this subject as I think it would be great therapy for me, but I warn you…it will be some heavy reading.

Ok, not really. I just wanted a clever way to say that I’m going to be visiting some CrossFit boxes during our honeymoon. I love CrossFit, and if you know me then you are probably saying, “yeah, what else is new?” I do love me some CrossFit. And I love my CrossFit family. They are a family – a big, supportive, extended family. I’m super happy to be a part of our gang and also equally thankful to have them all in my life. I believe each CrossFit box is like that. They are truly amazing places to work out and be a part of that environment. You can’t find it anywhere else…well, I have never found it before, not on this level. But my CrossFit family extends outside of the Cedar Park box. Every time I visit another box, my community/family of CrossFitters grows. And I never want to stop expanding my community!

It seemed naturally that wherever we went so would our WODs. WODs can really be done anywhere. Ok, so maybe you can’t haul around an olympic weight set with you in your car, but there are PLENTY of WODs that can kick your ass with no equipment. Don’t believe me? Do 100 burpees for time! Let me know how you do. And while we probably will be reduced to doing some WODs wherever we can along the way, if at all possible, you can bet I’m going to be in a CrossFit box somewhere getting my fitness on! I already have 3 places lined up to visit. Well, I do need to make some calls to finalize some things, but we have plans to stop by a couple here and there. While we are staying in NYC for 2.5 weeks, we plan on training exclusively at the Black Box. It’s not far from where we are staying at all.

I can’t wait to meet all of the people and coaches at the Black Box. I know that I’ll be Facebooking with them in no time. I Facebook with all of my CrossFit friends even those from other boxes. We constantly encourage and congratulate each other on our CrossFit journeys. Hearing how other CrossFitters are doing is very addictive. I understand if you just don’t get it. I know my Facebook statuses must seem really odd and are probably getting old by now. I can’t help it! It just takes hold of you, and you love every second of it!

We also plan on hitting up some CrossFit boxes Philadelphia, PA and one in Mississippi. I haven’t looked into it yet, but I’m sure that we might hit up one in New Orleans. We’ll be there for a couple of days on our way home. And the best box of all to visit? Well, of course CrossFit Strong in Dallas where I’ll be getting my CrossFit Level 1 certification just days before we head back home. You have no idea how excited I am to visit this place simply because after a long 2 days, I’ll be certified to coach CrossFit! Eek! So exciting! And I owe it all to my wonderful husband-to-be for purchasing it for me! He rocks!

There is a tradition when you visit other boxes of exchanging t-shirts. I talked to Dave at our box, and we are going to be getting our t-shirts this week. Can’t wait to collect some more! I love CrossFit t-shirts almost as much as I love CrossFit. They go hand-in-hand.

Why is this week going so slowly? I’m ready to hit the road…except for the leaving our kitties part. That part just makes me want to cry. I really hope that they will be okay without us, and that they remember who we are when we return. Has anyone ever left a cat for an extended period of time? Oh, and no, they won’t be home alone for a month! What kind of mommy do you think I am???

Another blog post…and you guessed it, it’s subject is my upcoming wedding. What can I say? I seriously thought about what to write for a good 5 minutes, and I kept coming back to the wedding. Maybe because it has taken over my life or maybe because we leave for our wedding in one week! Either way, all I’ve got on my brain is wedding, wedding, wedding! I know I’ve said it before, but let me just make sure you don’t miss out on the fact that I’m sooooo ready for this whole thing to be over with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to get married. He’s an amazing man, and I’m a very lucky gal. However, as far as the planning and stressing goes, I’m ready to be rid of it all. Done! And when it’s all finished, I can just focus on being a great wife to an even greater husband. Ah…the good life! But alas, we have a week to wrap things up here and then hit the road and then another week in Mississippi to finish it up there. I do not look forward to either of these weeks as they promise to be hellish and extremely stressful. Can I just take a giant nap and wake up on the morning of June 5? I didn’t think so.

I’ve gotten even more done since the last time I blogged. Which is natural considering that we leave next Saturday. However, so much is left to be completed. We have to clean the house as well as do some things outdoors and in the garage. We have to pack – ugh! We have some last minute details to get into order. I have to make sure we have some paleo foods to take with us on this trip as grassfed beef and organic produce aren’t easy to come by in my hometown. Sigh…when will the world realize what garbage they eat? Well, until that time, we have to pack and transport it all the way to Mississippi with a weekend stop over in Dallas. Awesome! <—that’s sarcasm in case you couldn’t tell! I just keep reminding myself that all this is worth it and that the event will turn out to be as beautiful as it is in my head. But just in case it doesn’t, I’m swearing to just laugh it off and keep truckin’ with the show. No matter what, I know the honeymoon is going to be stellar!

Enough about the wedding, I want to talk about marriage and my commitment to Bryan. I have found who I truly believe to be the most amazing man walking the earth. I feel so blessed everyday that I wake up beside him. To be his wife is the biggest accomplishment I can boast, and I feel extremely lucky and proud to have the job. I promise to always try and be a good spouse and when the time comes, a good mother as well. He makes me so very happy, and I want to make sure that I do the same for him – always! I love what we have together, and I want to keep experiencing it for the rest of my life or as long as God will grant us to be together. I know that our life together is going to be a fun adventure even with life’s curve balls. I also know that with Bryan by my side, there’s nothing that we can’t accomplish and get through. We make a great team, at least I think so.

We are very different, but we are also so very much alike. It’s both of these things that makes us perfect for one another. Our differences keep things interesting, and our similarities give us common ground. It’s a perfect balance that works. That’s not to say that it’s 100% smooth sailing (that’s the interesting part), but I know that we’ll always work out our differences and come back to common ground. We have so much to teach each other as well as so many new things to learn as a couple, together. I never want to take a moment for granted.

One day Bryan and I were walking through the neighborhood, and the subject of those elderly apartments came up. I’ve always wanted to live in one of these places. They look like so much fun! I was shocked when Bryan enthusiastically agreed! How much fun would it be to live as a couple in a place where we are only responsible for our apartment. You are surrounded by tons of people to visit and befriend. They plan tons of activities for you, and all of your meals are served to you. It’s paradise as far as I’m concerned. I totally bet we’ll live in one of these one day. And I bet we’ll be as happy as we are now and still joined at the hip. We will probably be way more in sync and have tons of funny habits. And most likely, we’ll get on each others nerves a lot more, and we still won’t be able to live without each other. Ah, sounds good. I’d say I can’t wait, but there’s a whole life between now and then that I’m just as anxious to get to. I just want to experience everyday to come with my man by my side….living life and loving it.

Seriously, we are so close to getting married and going on our honeymoon! I’m soooo excited! We leave our house to start the festivities next Friday! That’s a week from tomorrow! This fact really blows my mind. I feel like I’ve been planning this wedding for years, but in fact, it has been less than one year. Still, I’m ready to say good-bye to planning the wedding and hello to married life which I can’t imagine prior to having kids could be much different than our life right now. But still, I’m ready! And I’m really ready to go on our honeymoon – a road trip to NYC and back to Austin. We have a lot of cool things planned, and thanks to Honeyfund, we’ve been able to create a fantastic and hopefully very memorable honeymoon.

This summer promises to be one of the best yet. First, we are going to Dallas to watch the CrossFit Regionals where many of our friends will be competing. I can’t wait to see everyone kick-ass! Best of all, I get to marry my best friend! And after that, I get to go on what promises to be the most fantastic trip of my life. And it just goes up from there. After spending about a month on our honeymoon, yes a month!, we are driving straight into Dallas because I’m getting certified in Level 1 CrossFit. I can’t tell you how awesome this is and how excited I am to attend this event. I really hope that I can start helping out with classes and maybe even have my own someday. But I really want to coach CrossFit Kids, but that’s a whole other certification. I just purchased tickets to see Christina Aguilera in concert in Dallas in August. She is truly one of my favorite artists – my other favorite is the Goo Goo Dolls. I’ve seen her once before in concert, and it was AMAZING! I’m beyond giddy to go to this concert. Bryan has even agreed to go along! He’s the best! Hopefully, I can end the summer by making it to the Neshoba County Fair, but thanks to all we have and will spend this summer, I’m not sure this will happen. Bryan most likely won’t be able to go because he’s taking so much time off for the wedding/honeymoon. But if there’s anyway humanly possible to be there – I’ll be there! And the cherry on top of the summer is that both Christina Aguilera and the Goo Goo Dolls are releasing new albums. Wow! Heaven!

We have so much to do between now and next Friday to prepare for this trip! Seriously, so much! The whole house needs to be deep cleaned and there’s even some outside chores to finish up. Some things are packed, but we haven’t even scratched the surface of packing and loading down the SUV. I’m still wrapping up decorations for the wedding. I took on a lot of DIY projects to decorate and save money for the wedding. I still have luminaries to make, and I have to finish decorating this cardboard G’s that I purchased. It’s time consuming, but I think that this will all make the wedding look amazing! And the preparations don’t stop once we leave. No, we still have so much to do when we get there. I have to meet with the people catering our reception and finalize all the details. We also have to decorate and set up the ceremony and reception sites.

In other news:

I created a website to showcase my photography. I’ve been trying to do more of it lately because I have really come to miss having my creative outlets. I’ve also set up a crafting section in our bedroom which has helped with this too. Here is my site:

http://www.elear.net/vphotoblog/VictoriasPics/Welcome.html

Check it out, and let me know what you think about it, if you have any favorites or suggestions, or even better, if you’d like to set up a photo session. I come really cheap! I just do it for fun. I don’t have a lot of fancy equipment, but I get by.

Pictures:

I want to share some recent pictures with you because I haven’t been very good about doing that here lately.

A couple of weekends ago, Bryan and I took my little brother from Big Brothers Big Sisters to a renaissance fair. Here are the pictures from that outing:

Renaissance Fair Album

Videos:

I also want to share some recent videos.

OMG! It’s been 2 months since I’ve written a blog. Get over it! I have. So, what have I been doing with myself in that 2 months? Well, I still haven’t found another job, but I also haven’t really been looking. I did go on one interview, but I didn’t land it. I have decided not to look for one due to the fact that I will need over a month off for our honeymoon, and why would anyone want a new hire who needed immediate time off? I spend my days being pretty lazy and hating myself for it. I have done a lot of wedding stuff and some Perfectly Paleo stuff too. We have a lot of things we’d like to do with Perfectly Paleo, but there’s that honeymoon trip again. Whatever! I’ve been looking forward to this trip…well, my whole life but especially these past 9 months. And now it’s almost here and NOTHING is going to stand in the way of me enjoying it. We deserve this! I have thought of so many things that I want to write in this blog, but the more time you let pass without doing it, the harder it is to actually do it. I’ll try…like so many times before to keep it up. I really do enjoy blogging, but I find that it’s extremely hard for me if I can’t have complete silence and an empty house which rarely happens. I have a lot to catch you up on, but I’ll stick with one topic per post. This post is all about catching you up to speed on the grand adventure of the Goldstein Wedding.

*We finally finished the DVD invitations! Wow…what a relief when they were all done. We got them printed and mailed out. Now we are playing hunt down the RSVPs game. It’s not fun. Can you please just mail them back in? I included a stamped envelope and everything! I guess I should have expected this, but I didn’t.

*We also finished the fan programs and had those printed. Then I assembled them a little every day until they were finished. I feel they still lack some sort of embellishment, but nothing I try to add looks good. Everything looks gaudy. Perhaps simple is the best answer.

*Both of my bridemaids are getting their dresses altered with plenty of time to spare. The groomsmen should be getting their tuxes this week. We had to switch one of the groomsmen, but it really wasn’t a big deal. We’ll have to get the new groomsmen’s suit for him since there is no Tuxedo Junction near him. It will be up the best man to return it since we’ll be on our way to NYC!

*We have an appointment scheduled with The Cole House who is handling our reception and catering. I can’t wait to finally sit down and hash out all of the details. We have been emailing with them, but it’s not the same as face-to-face time.

*I have been making tin can luminaries here and there. I’ve almost finished them all. We’ll have to figure out what kind of light to put in them, but I think they will make cute decorations. A neighbor of ours gave us some white, plastic luminaries with the battery operated lights. I have to wash them out, but otherwise they are perfect and ready to go. I’ll probably line a walkway with them. So much will have to be figured out just days prior to the actual wedding.

*I got my wedding dress all altered, and it’s back in the closet ready to go!

*The registry is up and running though no one has used it yet. I’m starting to wonder if that was such a good idea. Here is a link if you’re interested:

http://www.honeyfund.com/wedding/bryanandvictoria

*I finished decorating the flower girl basket, and it came out super cute! I haven’t decorated the program basket yet, and I’m not sure I will. If I do it’ll be something simple like a bow on the handles.

*I ordered the flowers for the wedding and paid half of cost. I’ll pay the rest the week before the wedding. I think they’re going to look super nice.

*I think we’ve decided to just get trays from Whole Foods for the Austin reception. It won’t be paleo, but at least I know the meat won’t be from some nasty chicken house. Gross!

*We bought our weddng bands! We went with some cheaper options, but they’re both made out of really strong metal so they should last us a lifetime! They don’t match, but I think they are both perfect. I got a 2 mm stainless steel band which I’ll be wearing on my left thumb since my engagement band is too big to wear with a wedding band. Bryan got a tungsten band. It’s dark and looks great on him. I can’t wait till he’s wearing it for life!

*We’ve discussed a route back from the honeymoon, and I think we’ve decided one. However, we still need to hash out the details.

*We took Bryan’s suit to be altered, and he had outgrown it! CrossFit works! We purchased it in January, and when we took it in April his arms were too big! They were super nice and exchanged it for a more expensive one at no extra cost to us. We had to wait till those arrived and went back to try them on. It looked great, and it is currently being altered. I’m ready to see how great his suit is going to look on him. He will be so handsome at the wedding.

*I think the rehearsal dinner is pretty much planned. I’m using it as an opportunity to get our families together for the first time before the day of the wedding. So, there will be more people in attendance than is necessary. We are going to rehearse and then eat outside under the patio. My granny is making chicken spaghetti (it’s sooo delicious!) and some sort of dessert. My other grandmother offered to bring a salad and some rolls. Add some sweet tea and well, I’ll be one happy girl! I hope everyone else will enjoy themselves too!

*We have all of Bryan’s family arranged to stay at The Cole House. They’ve purchased their airline tickets.

*We’ve been working on a lot of documents to keep us on track. We created an itinerary for the week prior and after the wedding. This will ensure that we take care of everything we need to from the time we leave our house until we arrive in NYC. This thing is critical. We’ve also created a travel checklist as well as a reference sheet for the girl that will be house/cat sitting for us while we are away.

*I have purchased and wrapped the flower girl and ring bearer’s presents. I still need to wrap the groomsmen’s shoes.

*I’ve steadily been packing things so that they’ll be ready to just load when the time comes…and it’s coming!

It’s hard to believe that we’ll be leaving for the wedding at the end of this month! I’m so excited. I can’t believe it’s almost here! It’s starting to get really exciting, but before I start celebrating there is tons more left to do….TONS! I should probably go get on that now…later!

…because I’m not sure.

It’s probably not news to the very few that actually read this blog that I was fired yesterday. I used the word fired because I was not let-go or any pretty variation of this word. Nope, I was fired. Because I messed up. And I haven’t denied it once which is why I’m willing to post this on my blog. I’ve always had a lot of respect for people to own up to their mistakes; I’d like to respect myself even if it’s just this one attribute.

Let me tell my story from beginning to end. There is a stomach virus going around the school (yes, another one). It makes 3 since I started working there. The first one was the day before Thanksgiving and because we were so short staffed I had to remain at work from 10 AM when it hit till 4 PM when I ran out of the room in the middle of a conversation with a parent to vomit in the restroom. At this point they finally let me go home. That’s 6 hours – FYI. The next stomach virus I had hit at about 2 AM thankfully. I say thankfully because I didn’t have to vomit at work. However, it was the worst virus I’ve ever contracted, and it ended up sending me to the hospital for abdominal pain and dehydration. It was rough to say the least. And it scared me…seriously. So, when this one hit, I was immediately nervous.

So, it hit at 9 AM. Roughly 15 minutes later one of my bosses came in (there are 2 – they do the same job). She immediately knew something was wrong when she looked at me, and so she asked. I replied that I felt like throwing up, and that I thought I had caught the virus going around. If you wouldn’t have guessed it from my previous paragraph, this school doesn’t react quickly to sending kids home who are sick and often let them come back before they’re better. In a place where everyone is touching, germs spread like wildfire. A crackdown on policy would really help to prevent this. But back to the story at hand. She didn’t seem too concerned about it and left. I only felt worse as time went on, and pretty soon, I was only comfortable when I was sitting down and being very still. My 2 bosses came in every now and then and would ask me how I felt though I seriously don’t think that’s why they popped in. Popping in is something they do all day throughout everyday. I gave them the same story every time – “I feel bad, and I want to throw up.” Around 10 AM our last student came in. I got up and greeted his mother who informed me that he missed school because he’d gotten the stomach virus. I told her I think it just hit me. She left and my assistant seated the boy at the table for snack. Shortly after sitting down, the child got up from his seat and ran across the classroom. My assistant was busy washing another child’s hands so I got up to go get the child. He’s a difficult child to handle though that’s not an excuse. I told him that no one is allowed to walk around with food, and he needed to return to the table. This happens all the time so it’s not a big deal. Except standing up makes me want to vomit. Halfway across the room the child decided to do spaghetti legs (or for those of you with no children – he just made himself go limp in the legs). In other words, the child refused to walk to the table. And I not in a correct state of thinking sort of drug him across the room. Not on his stomach, but just sort of pulling him along because the quicker he got in his chair the quicker I got to sit down. I’m not sure that in this moment I was even thinking. It was wrong. I still don’t deny it. And it shouldn’t have happened. However, I reacted how I did in the moment under the circumstances, and no matter what I do, I can’t take it back or re-do it. It is what it is. I’m human, and I’m not even that great of one to begin with. However, add me plus a virus, and I’m really not much to work with. I stand by this one fact: I shouldn’t have been at work. Back to the story…

The child’s mother had never left the school, and was watching the whole time. No, I didn’t do what I did because I thought she wasn’t watching. I did what I did because I wasn’t thinking….at all. I can’t say that enough. She came in to ask me a question about a cup. When this child sees his mother, he goes insane. Anytime. Even when she’s coming to pick him up. Let me define insane. He starts crying hysterically. He really cries to the point he seems petrified his mom won’t take him with him. It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever witnessed in this kind of instance. When she came in, he did this right on cue. I picked the child up and tried to tell him that he needed to stay with us. I didn’t want the situation to be worse than it had to be. I wanted mom to be able to exit without having to peel her child off of her. I tried to distract him by taking him to the sink to wash his hands after snack. He wasn’t having it, and he started to thrash around, kicking and screaming hysterically. Sick or not, I did what I’d do with any child acting like that. I put him on the floor so he couldn’t hurt me or himself. After a few seconds, I picked him back up so we could try it again. I succeeded at washing his hands, and within a minute he was fine.

And so the day went on. I spent it on the floor letting the children climb on me and do whatever they pleased in regards to toys and such. I had to rely on my assistant to do all of the work. I wasn’t capable. It was somewhere in this time that I actually started to cry a little. Vomiting does that to me. I so didn’t want to throw-up there, and I was just miserable. I cried. Lame. I know. Jackson’s mom came to pick him up not long after she had left him there. I knew something was up, and I knew it involved me. At 12 PM I was summoned to the front office. I saw my the sheet indicating that I was being written up as soon as I walked through the office. They told me that the child’s mother had returned to retrieve her child and let them know that she was appalled and disgusted with the way that I had handled her child. As far as the dragging part goes, yeah I don’t blame her. I’d most definitely feel the same way if it were my child. However, the sink thing. That’s not my fault. She should be able to realize when your child is being difficult. I’m not a miracle worker; I’m only a child care giver. I was definitely guilty on the first account.

I was in the office for about 20 minutes. Things got heated. I was sick and emotional. And I spoke my mind. I was upset. I really don’t think that anyone should be made to work under these conditions. There aren’t sick days. What is a person supposed to do? Why does it take so many hours to get to leave when you’re clearly to sick to be there. I was told lots of things:

• sometimes you have to work through being sick (yeah preaching to the choir here – I’ve had a string of colds and have never called in – only when I was throwing up)
• if you worked at a public school job you wouldn’t even be able to leave to go to the bathroom (well, I don’t; and I used to be a sub and I never felt like I was forced to work under crazy conditions)
• they can’t magically make someone appear to relieve me (understood, but teachers still get sick so they should have a plan in effect to do such a thing – it’s not like we get these bugs from home)

I couldn’t stand it. I totally felt like they were bullying me. Yes, I did wrong. If they need to write me up to cover their asses, I would get that. But they never were sympathetic – they were only accusatory. They made me feel like everything was my fault – everything. They made me feel like if I couldn’t be superwoman, then maybe I couldn’t do my job. When they asked what I would do if the situation arose again. I stated that I would just sit in the corner and let my assistant be superwoman. I definitely not risk doing anything that would be deemed inappropriate. I’m wrong, yes, but aren’t I a liability to the school working under those conditions? Wouldn’t it be better if they covered their asses before situations arose rather than after? Or am I crazy? I was wrong, but is in fact all my fault? It definitely could be, but somehow that doesn’t tell the entire story.

We finally wrapped up the discipline section. I signed my sheet writing me up and was informed that any other instances like this and I was done. Fair enough. I returned to my room and about 5 minutes later my relief came. It was 12:30 PM, and I was finally able to go home where I needed to be. Around 3:30 PM my boss called to let me know “unfortunately” they didn’t think I was sorry enough and they didn’t feel comfortable that it wouldn’t happen again. I said what I could without begging, but that was that. For the first time in my life, I was fired. Awesome.

Am I sorry? You better believe it. But how do you show you feel sorry? Different people show it in different ways. I cried throughout the entire office visit, so I was clearly moved by the situation. I can’t go back and do it over. That’s not how life works. All I can do is assure them that indeed would never happen. If you never get a second chance then you never get to show you were sorry. Saying I’m sorry only goes so far. Proving you learned from a mistake goes a hell of a lot further. I feel like I stood up for myself while at the same time accepting the consequences for my actions as honorably as I could. I really don’t think it was the best time to have such a discussion. What more should I have to suffer through? Ok enough complaining. Let me tell you just how sorry I am. I have been guilt stricken since this happened. Beyond just me questioning if I should work with children at all, I have also questioned whether I’d even be a good mother. And why would Bryan still want me to be the mother of his children? I can’t seem to stop my brain from working and thinking. I am so truly sorry to such depths you can’t imagine, and yet I’m still only human.

I loved that job. LOVED! I didn’t dread going to work. But like all jobs, it’s hard to love every part of it. That’s where the administration fits in. I loved my job when the door was shut, and it was just me and my kids. I know I was a great teacher. And they knew it too. They had just named me March’s teacher of the month. I’m probably the only in history to receive this honor and be fired in one week. There’s got to be a little humor in that.

So, now I’m focusing on getting Perfectly Paleo off of the ground. I’m not even messing around. I really want and need this to succeed. It’s what I was hoping would someday become my full-time job; I just wasn’t expecting it so soon. I’m at the point where I feel like I need to create opportunities. They’re out there, and I want to discover them. I want to make my life better than it ever was before. And I’m hoping that this will continue so that when we have children I will still have time to be a mother and not have to enroll my child in a shitty school like I worked for.

That’s my story. I just didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me because they thought I got laid-off. If you still feel sorry for me – okay, and if you feel outraged at me – okay too. I’ve said my peace.

What is CrossFit? Well, I can give you the definition you’ll find on just about any CrossFit site:

constantly varied, high- intensity, functional movement.

And it is that….but it is SO much more! I started out thinking it was just a workout plan to keep me healthy, young, and fit. However, I discovered so much more than just a weekly workout. I discovered a way of life. No really. I LOVE CrossFit. It has a way of sort of taking over you. You come to love it, to look forward (and dread) workouts. The results are undeniable. This shit works! And the results get you hooked, and before you know it, you are living it. You are keeping up with every workout you do, talking about girls like “Fran” and “Cindy” like they are friends/enemies of yours.

I knew I was a CrossFitter when Bryan and I started planning our honeymoon. No CrossFit for a month?!? No way! We immediately started Googling boxes (that’s what we call a CrossFit gym) in NYC to train. And we found one! We are both super excited to get to have the opportunity to train with these guys and at their box. It’s going to be amazing to train in a different box with different people under different coaches. Just doing something different is totally in-line with the CrossFit mentality. In fact it’s so appealing, I was actually looking into maybe getting one class in when we stay overnight in Philadelphia, PA (not to be confused with Philadelphia, MS where we are getting married). Lucky for us, most of these boxes seem to have a drop-in rate or some sort of short term plan we can purchase. And like good CrossFitters, we’ll be taking along t-shirts to trade. So freakin’ excited! And also a little nervous…I’m not exactly a top performer in my own box though I’m getting better and stronger which brings me to my next point.

CrossFit is all about being uncomfortable. It’s not Gold’s Gym. I don’t have time to spend 2 hours on the treadmill or going to aerobics classes. And I definitely don’t have time nor care to work on my biceps/triceps and whatever on different days. CrossFit is great because I work out just 3 hours a week, and I’m more in shape than I’ve ever been in my entire life. And I only plan to get fitter and stronger! That’s where it becomes a way of life as fitness and health should be. You can’t get there and stop; you have to maintain your fitness which requires work. CrossFit is work – hard work! But it’s also fun. CrossFit offers up so much more than just workouts; you also get a family, a community. It’s a support system. There is always someone to cheer you on, coach you through the tough parts. The best thing is that this community is not limited to your box. If you meet someone from another box, you can instantly become friends because you do the same thing. You get it. You’re all CrossFitters!

Back to being uncomfortable. CrossFit is about pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone – get comfortable with being uncomfortable is something we are reminded of daily. Most workouts last no longer than 20 minutes. Be really uncomfortable for this short time and yield amazing results or be pretty comfortable on the treadmill and yield minimal results. It’s not a hard choice for me, but I realize that CrossFit isn’t for everyone. I have seen amazing results across the board. I can run longer, lift heavier stuff, but best of all – I look better naked! And who can’t appreciate that? I can go on and on and on, but I won’t because I’m pretty sure everyone is tired of hearing me talk about CrossFit.

CrossFitters do the impossible.

That’s the sound of my biological clock ticking away. It gets a little louder with every birthday that I celebrate. It’s a constant reminder that I haven’t achieved the BIG thing in life I have always dreamed about – children! However, I used to worry I might never get to this point in my life because I’d never find a man to marry. But now that I’ve got the man thing down, I am starting to not feel so panicked about this giant step in life. And with the wedding consuming so much of my time and attention, I’ve actually been thinking about drastically less and yet more. Weird? Well, I haven’t been focusing on the “OMG! It might never be my turn” part and started focusing on the “we better get ourselves in order” way of of thinking.

In my free free time (HA!), I’ve been reading books and doing tons of research on all thing babies. I bought a couple of books with a gift card I got from one of my kids at the school where I work. One is for saving money once baby is here called Baby Bargains, and the other is called What to Expect Before You’re Expecting. I love the Baby Bargains. It is full of so much useful information. It’s really going to help us save money. Although as a natural saver, I was already planning on doing it as cheaply as possible (within reason). Babies aren’t cheap, but I don’t see why they have to be any more expensive than necessary. The other book has it’s good information and it’s not so good information. There’s a lot of good advice about insurance and maternity leave that I might not have thought about, but then there is book’s nutritional section which is just laughable. Though I was impressed with some of there should eats, a majority of it just made me laugh at loud. It’s so conventional wisdom.

We plan on trying shortly after the wedding, but I don’t want to attack the process too seriously, at least not at first. I wanna see how it goes at first. If in 6 months, we’re still not pregnant, then perhaps we’ll have to start keeping a closer eye on all the details if you know what I mean. Just knowing that this could be a real possibility in the next year has made me want to start nesting. It seems odd because who knows when or if we’ll get pregnant, but I just can’t help myself. For example, my co-worker and best friend gave me some stuff for our charity garage sale. When I was organizing her donation, I discovered a Winnie-the-Pooh costume from The Disney Store. It’s a 3-6 months, and I hope that saving it pays off. Am I crazy? I’ve already started collecting books and other baby things. I’m baby crazy!

It’s been really interesting to see Bryan’s reactions to all of my baby talk. He definitely wants children, but at first, he was always quiet when I brought up the subject. He said he was super scared, and who wouldn’t be? I am! But I’m more excited and ready! Now he seems pretty excited too! It’s nice to hear him talk openly about having kids. And even though I’m really, really ready, I want it to come in it’s own time. Right now I need to focusing on getting hitched. Then we can focus on the other stuff. And like I said, even after the wedding, it’s not a rush to get pregnant. I just hope it happens without a lot of thought on my behalf, and that it comes and the perfect time for us.

So, here’s the part where you all get to give me tons of advice…and hopefully, hand-me-downs when we do actually conceive.

Valentine’s Day Pictures:

bryan

soy sauce

flowers

dessert

battleship

v n b

me and the flowers

Pictures from Our 2 Year Anniversary:

bad, just bad!

Recent Videos of the Cats:

Songs I’m Digging at the Moment:

Naturally – Selena Gomez

The Middle – Demi Lovato